


Seclusion

by xenolinguist



Category: Eurovision Song Contest RPF, Festival di Sanremo RPF
Genre: ....sorta, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, M/M, One Shot, but they're just trying to live their best lives in the end, coming out is hard, they're a mess and make inconsiderate mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-11 07:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15967889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xenolinguist/pseuds/xenolinguist
Summary: Memories of interviews and articles race through the Roman’s mind. The rumours, the allegations, but most of all, Ermal’s dementi. Ermal’s harsh rebuttals, Ermal’s non-negotiable refusals, Ermal’s constant denial.How much Fabri would love to properly introduce Ermal to his family. He’d love to openly take him to a romantic restaurant.Nevertheless, he can't. He wouldn't. Not with Ermal’s strict refusal to make it public.And with each time Ermal moaned "ti amo" in secret, Fabrizio felt like he’s one step further away from ever hearing those words in public.





	1. Chapter 1

One wouldn’t consider it obvious in the first instant but, seclusion carries a certain kind of power. A power so reserved and quiet that it’s barely noticeable until the right moment arrives. As it is seclusion that eventually reveals hidden truths we couldn’t even admit to ourselves.  
  
  
And how seclusion ought to be cherished! Is it not in those secluded bedrooms, far away from the public eye, the cameras and flashlights that we reveal our true selves? When there are no more intrusive questions being asked and no more expectations clouding our minds, we allow ourselves to indulge in the things we were craving for so long.  
  
Fabrizio yearned for these things. He yearned for two bodies colliding like they’re magnetised, for his heartbeat racing in his ears, for touches so soft and yet so meaningful and for that feeling like nothing and nobody exists in this world anymore except the two of you. Fabrizio yearned for all these things and so did Ermal. And it felt like heaven on Earth when the two of them connected in this way, like an endless loop of lust, intimacy and love. But with their exhilaration reaching its peak and Ermal losing his composure, the younger man starts mindlessly repeating _“Ti amo, Fabri, ti amo, ti amo, Fabrizio”_ , and ironically that’s what breaks Fabrizio’s heart time after time. Memories of interviews and articles race through the Roman’s mind. The rumours, the allegations, but most of all, Ermal’s dementi. Ermal’s harsh rebuttals, Ermal’s non-negotiable refusals, Ermal’s constant denial.  
  
He observed the man lying next to him. Exhausted as he got, Ermal was quick to fall asleep, his porcelain skin still covered in sweat and his back slowly rising and falling to the rhythm of his breathing. Fabrizio gently traced his fingers over the other man’s exposed back. He looked so peaceful and relaxed in that moment like he barely did when he was awake, Fabrizio mused. How much Fabri would love to properly introduce Ermal to his family. Not as _‘Ermal, his colleague’_ or _‘Ermal, his friend’_ , they already knew him as such. But as _Ermal, his boyfriend/partner/someone he shares such a profound connection with that no term would do it justice._ He’d love to openly take him to a romantic restaurant. Hell, even without saying names, just being allowed to admit that he's in a relationship to the media would feel exciting. Nevertheless, he can't. He wouldn't. Not with Ermal’s strict refusal to make it public. Not with Ermal panicking by mere childish suggestions of fans, let alone journalists. And so things remained the same, with each time Ermal moaned "ti amo" in secret, Fabrizio felt like he’s one step further away from ever hearing those words in public.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Sunday came and it was time for another traditional family dinner at the Mobrici household. The afternoon sun was slowly setting, the food was already eaten and now the second bottle of wine was opened. Romina eyed the family for a while until she deemed it to be the right moment to drop some news on them. She casually mentioned that she had a new boyfriend, but you could tell she was dying to finally tell them. The entire family got excited. It was their right of course, it was a pleasant surprise after all. But after the first wave of excitement has settled, the attention turned to the currently only single of the Mobrici siblings and that’s when the uncomfortable questions started.  
  
"Say Fabri, it's been a while now.... Has nobody new caught your interest yet?" Romina teased, her eyebrows raised in curiosity.  
  
_‘Oh yes, someone has definitely caught my interest. He's the most interesting person I've possibly ever met’_  
But Fabrizio didn’t say that, he didn’t dare to even imagine saying that.  
  
"C'mon Fabri, you haven't visited in such a long time. Always busy, always working. You're either in the studio or at Ermal's place. I start to think those are just excuses and you're actually on some secret dates, huh" Filippo good-naturedly slapped his brother's back but how he wasn’t aware how much that killed Fabrizio. Because those aren't excuses. Not at all. He was actually in the studio with Ermal or at Ermal’s place. They do make music, but apart from that they also do other things, they laugh, they talk, they cook, they make love. They live their life together like any other couple would and yet not entirely, not openly.  
  
  
So Fabrizio did what he had to do. He just laughed it off with but not without sadness hidden in the wrinkles of his smile.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Stadio Olimpico, Rome, second time yet felt as good as the first one. The arena had been packed. The atmosphere had been amazing, the band were in good spirits and the audience had a good time too. Ermal came by as well, the asshole didn’t even tell him he would. For weeks, he claimed that he would be ‘busy’ that day but then Ermal suddenly appeared on stage to sing _Non Mi Avete Fatto Niente_ with him and Fabrizio truly performed master level self-restrain when he didn’t just kiss him silly right then and there. Best of all, Ermal stayed backstage after the song and didn’t go home straight away. Not only him, even Fabrizio’s siblings and parents came by and Fabri truly felt like on top of the world on that night. After the concert, Romina suggested to go out for a celebratory drink, just the family and as they all were about to leave at the back entrance when Fabri stopped Ermal.  
"Hey why don't you come along with us?"  
  
Ermal seemed fairly surprised as he must have sensed the intimate atmosphere of that family meet up.  
"Me? Coming along with you?"  
"Yes, of course you!" Fabrizio knew he was a bit desperate, knew Ermal felt uncomfortable and knew his family didn't understand why he was so persistent on bringing him along but, it simply felt right. This evening wouldn't have been the same without the sensational surprise that the man he loved made him. This joy he simply needed to share with him, it was only just.  
  
"Fabri, I don't know-"  
"Please, Ermal. Come on, it’s only one evening with just the family." _a family I consider you to be a part of._  
  
  
"Fab, don't be persistent, I'm sure Ermal is tired and wants to go home." His mother tried to intervene but Fabrizio just disregarded her and stepped one step closer to his counterpart.  
"You never come to family dinners. Please make it an exception tonight."  
Fabrizio seized Ermal’s arm however a tang too softly for it to be a friendly touch. That's when he saw the panic in Ermals eyes. Panic and fear about where this was going, about how Fabri's family could interpret this bizarre exchange. And with fear came the anger.  
  
The younger man jerked his arm out of Fabrizio’s grip hastily.  
"W-why would I? I’ve already spent all evening here with you anyway! Fabrizio, let it be already!" Ermal answered way harsher than necessary which in turn triggered Fabrizio’s own rage.  
  
"What if I don't want to! What if I really don't want to let it fucking be!"  
‘Fabrizio!' his mom scolded scandalised but neither men acknowledged her.  
  
"Why can’t you just go along with my idea for once! It's important to me and you know it, Ermal!"  
  
Ermal ran a frustrated hand through his hair.  
  
"Why though? Why is it so fucking important to you if I come along? Why is my presence so vital to you, Fabrizio, that you would start this petty fight in the first place?"  
  
"BECAUSE YOU’RE MY BOYFRIEND AND I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND I’M SICK OF HIDING IT!!"  
  
  
Silence. Stunned silence.  
  
  
Ermal's mouth was hanging open, the disbelief that Fabrizio really just said that written in his eyes. How could he. Not here, not in front of people, not now, not ever! He allowed himself to swiftly glance towards the others just to see that all of them seemed stunned too.  
  
Fabri sighed and angrily ran a hand through his hair, realising what he just did. "Erma-"  
"No." No, no, no. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. How it ever was supposed to happen. But Fabrizio just had taken matters into his own hands without any consideration of him. Selfish.  
Ermal couldn't bear it, this lack of control, this vulnerability, the now knowing eyes of his family, all of this was getting too much.  
  
He slowly took a few steps back. He couldn't stay any longer.  
  
"Er- Ermal? Ermal!?" He heard his name being called before he started sprinting somewhere, anywhere, he just needed to get away.  
  
  
He didn't pay attention where he was running, he didn't care either. All that occupied his mind were the repeated thoughts of _"Fabrizio exposed you. He did that. Fabrizio exposed you. How could he?!"_  
  
In all this hurry, he didn't realise that he was being followed, that quick steps were close behind his own and naturally, being pushed against the wall all of the sudden came as a surprise.  
  
"Ermal! Ermal, for the love of God, please calm down!"  
Ermal opened his eyes and saw through his tears _(when did he start crying? He hadn’t notice)_ Fabrizio who was holding him in place, who seemed so out of breath and if he wasn’t mistaken, terribly heartbroken too. In any other moment he would think more of this disturbing fact but right now, his own rage took a hold of him.  
"How could you?!”  
the younger man hissed.  
"Please, I'm begging you, please calm down. I'm sorry- I didn't think straight- I just- y’know how impulsive I can get!”  
  
"Let go of me, Fabrizio!”  
  
"Ermal, I'm sorry, I was just so desperate. I was just so desperate to finally experience with you for once what other couples get to do every day.”  
  
"AND I DON'T GET A SAY IN THIS?" Ermal roughly pushed Fabri from him.  
"I'm involved in this relationship as much as you are but no, you just _had_ to scream it out from the rooftops!"  
  
"I AM SORRY OKAY! BUT I JUST- " that's when Ermal hears Fabrizio’s voice cracking. Ermal didn't dare to look him into the eyes, his voice gave away what sight would await him.  
  
"Do you know how much it hurts me that you deny me, deny us? I've always respected your decision about the public and media. I always will. But at least in private! Everytime mamma asks me why I'm smiling at my phone and I cannot tell her the reason is that I just saw your beautiful face. Everytime my friends ask me who inspired my newest songs and I cannot mention that amazing man in my life. Everytime-"  
  
Now Fabrizio was properly sobbing and Ermal made the fatal mistake of looking at him. He regretted it instantly.  
  
"Everytime, we’re spending time with the kids and I watch you play with them, getting along with them, making them happy! Like a real family, like the way it is supposed to be. And then you pull one of your witty jokes and make them laugh and I just- I just feel that absolute urge to kiss you then and there. But I just cannot. And why ? Why, Ermal? Why is living in hiding, living in pain so much better for you than admitting to yourself and others what you have admitted to me on so many nights? Do you ....do you really feel that ashamed of me?"  
  
The last words were spoken with such agony that Ermal wanted to drop into a black hole right that instant. Fabrizio Mobrici's voice was under no circumstances allowed to sound that sad and Ermal would have strangled anyone who managed to make his Bizio this miserable. And frankly, if he could Ermal would have kicked his own ass.  
  
Fabri was hiding his face in his hands while bitter tears ran down his cheeks. Ermal slowly approached the shaking man, not sure what he was actually trying to achieve but then stopped when Fabrizio tried to compose himself for a second.  
  
"If- if this whole thing really is too much for you, then at least have the mercy and benevolence to break things off. I just- I hate- God, I hate to think of ending it so much, but I just- I don't know if I can go on like this. I feel like I'm going insane a bit more every day with everybody talking about their happiness while I hold back my own."  
  
_Wait, what? Is Bizio suggesting breaking up?!_  
  
All his anger evaporated in seconds, and now driven by panic, Ermal grabbed Fabrizio’s hands and pulled them down to have a clear view of his face. And God, does it hurt to look at those puffy eyes and wet cheeks knowing you caused this.  
  
"Fabrizio, don't you _dare_ finishing that thought! Do you hear me? Don't you dare! " Ermal sayed with trembling voice.  
"We cannot- _I_ cannot- this is out of question! Fabri, dammit!" Desperation crept up to Ermal. How was he supposed to give up all of that now? After all they’ve been through? Sanremo? Lisbon? After the most life-changing project Ermal has ever had? Giving up all of that new found happiness? This new life together? Giving up Fabrizio? His beautiful, sweet Bizio who didn’t quite know how to make Ermal’s coffee but tried very hard anyway? Who was basically a human heater and always ended up tangling himself around Ermal’s body like an octopus in his sleep? Bizio, who despite the hard shell, had the softest core Ermal had ever had the privilege to meet. No, this was unthinkable.  
  
  
Ermal took Fabri's face into his hands and gently caressed his cheeks.  
"I cannot give you up, I cannot. Don't do this to me, dammit, Bizio, you know that I-"  
"You what, Ermal?" Fabrizio weakly challenged.  
"You know that I love you! You know it! Bizio, my Bizio." Ermal swallowed and swiped away Fabrizio's tears. The other man regarded him with caution, as if he wasn’t allowing himself to hope just yet.  
"I- I was too neglectful about your feelings. I was so wrapped in my own fears that I completely ignored how you might feel about this. And then I overreacted when I shouldn't have and for that I'm sorry. It was your family, they should have known by now, you were right. They should have been the first people to tell anyway….The fact that it was me who brought you all this misery is unforgivable. I- I can try to make amends in some way though."  
  
"Ermal, I don't want you to open up about us out of _guilt_ "  
  
"I’m not! I’m opening up about us out of _love_ , Bizio!" He pressed his forehead against his.  
"I'm ...against telling the media or the public. At least right away. But I will promise you that we can tell our friends, that you can tell the kids, that I will tell my family, just under one little condition.”  
  
“And that would be?”  
  
“That you never out me like this again. That when the moment comes to tell my family, I will do it on my own accord and that when we tell our friends, we’ll discuss it together beforehand. Is that alright?”  
Regret flashed through Fabrizio’s eyes. It obviously hadn’t been his intention, but nevertheless the damage has been done.  
“Yes, of course, I won’t do that again. Ever.” He sounded earnest and Ermal believed him, a first step to heal the broken trust.  
  
They remained like this for quite some time, just holding each other close and truly appreciating what they found in each other when they suddenly heard someone clearing their throat. They turned their heads and noticed Fabrizio’s mother observing them carefully. Now Ermal wasn’t used to people seeing him and lover in such intimate moments and truth be told, his first instinct was jump away from Fabrizio as far as he could. However, the warm hands on his sides convinced him to do otherwise and so he just held onto him.  
  
  
“I just wanted to see if .. everything is alright?” Marisa gently asked, her eyes wandering over the two people in front of her but now she regarded Ermal differently, he could tell. For the first time, Marisa saw Ermal for what he truly was to her son. Her whole image of him changed within half an hour.  
  
“Yes, we’re alright, I guess, yeah.” Fabrizio reassured her, and let out a relieved breath. _’we’_.  
  
“How about we go out for drinks tomorrow night and now just go home instead, Fab? I think we all need some rest now.” Marisa suggested but kept her eyes on Ermal. A silent invitation, a silent offer. That didn’t go unnoticed by the two men so Fabri turned to Ermal hopefully. “Ermal, would you like to come along?”  
  
And here was his first opportunity to live this new truth, to keep his promise to Fabri.  
  
“I’d love to, yes.” As his lover slowly stepped away from him, Ermal gathered all his courage and took his hand in his. Just like that. Such a simple move yet so exciting. Fabrizio swiftly glazed down to their interlocked hands, a weak but joyful smile dancing on his face. Tonight they could spend a peaceful night at Fabrizio’s parents’ house, the atmosphere was way too heavy for anyone to ask them any questions, they knew that. But they also knew that tomorrow morning they’d have to explain this little drama they caused. Marisa and Franco’s questions, Romina’s teasing, Filippo’s confusion - Ermal was expecting it but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t anxious about it. However, knowing that he didn’t have to face it alone put his mind at some ease. He would never have to confront anything alone anymore.  
  
  
Seclusion carries a certain power. A power so reserved and quiet that it’s barely noticeable until the right moment arrives.  
What else could reveal those hidden truths that we would never realise otherwise?  
Ermal has never minded it that much. Not until the prospect of seclusion excluded Fabrizio, not until the idea of being completely alone crossed his mind. That kind of lonely seclusion brought him the most crucial realisation he could possibly ever have: A life that might get uncomfortable, unfair and downright terrifying at times still outweighs an easy-going, but lonely life as long as he’s with him.  
  
Ermal could overcome everything, as long as he’s got Fabrizio by his side.


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ermal takes a trip back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH THIS? ~~well, so did i tbh~~ BUT SIKE! 
> 
> anyway, i felt compelled to write a lil epilogue to the story. Admittingly, its quite Ermal-centric, but tbh i felt like this was the way it should play out. 
> 
> Hope you like!

“Aaaand that’s it for today, thanks to everyone who tuned in, to everyone who sent in their questions and of course a big thank you to Ermal Meta for paying us a visit today!”  
  
“But no, thank _you_ for having me! It’s been a pleasure being back home!” Ermal politely smiled into the microphone and shook hands with the radio host at last. When Radio Bari requested an interview with him, Ermal immediately agreed. Partially, because his work ethics wouldn’t allow him to miss out another business opportunity, but he also would like to see his family again. The past few months have been quite hectic, both professionally and privately.  
  
First off, his concerts throughout Italy, then the planning of the European Tour and him secretly already starting to write his next album (which nobody knows of except a certain Roman). Speaking of him, there’s also the fact that Ermal may or may not have moved to the capital in the meanwhile. This was the most surreal part, he moved to Rome to be closer to Fabrizio, he spent way more time with him and the kids now and suddenly Ermal felt how much more serious this relationship got in all other aspects. After their little….. dispute after the Olimpico concert, they did end up telling everyone, first of all Fabrizio’s family of course.  
  
But most importantly, the kids took it well. Well, Anita at first was very concerned that Ermal couldn’t be her new mum because ‘she’s already got a very nice one’, but after familiarising with the idea that parents could be more than just a mummy and a daddy ~~Dear Lord was Ermal already thinking of himself as one of their parents?!~~ , she was happy to have Ermal more around the house. Libero on the other hand has never seen his dad with anyone romantically except his mother, so that was a new concept to get accustomed to, but the fact that this new love interest was a man didn’t seem to shake his world. Giada had probably been the first person to have figured it out. Of course, she knew Fabrizio had a taste for men, she also knew how he behaved when he was a ‘lovestruck fool’ (her words), but most of all she knew not to bring it up until he was ready to do so himself. Their friends were also great about it too.   
Andrea smiled brightly and good-naturedly patted Ermal on the shoulder “Yes, finally! You just won me 20€. Thanks, Erm”. Marco just sighed in relief “Thank God, and I already thought that’s how you’re gonna start treating all your ‘friends’ from now on.” Febo just lit his cigarette and mumbled “Fucking called it”. Well, so much about subtlety. If you told Ermal a few months ago that his entire friend circle already suspected it, he’d laughed very humourlessly. There were only a very few important people left to break the news to.  
  
As Ermal walked down the hallway of the radio station he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. A familiar nickname with a blue heart emoji attached to it lit up on the screen and Ermal gladly answered the call.  
“Ciao, amore”  
  
“Ciao, Fabri. Your timing is perfect. I just finished the interview.”  
  
“Yeah, I know, I was listening to it.”  
  
“Bizio…” He knew Fabrizio was at the charity event in Rome right now, he knew he'd perform any moment soon and he definitely didn't have the time to listen to an hour long interview on the radio. What an incorrigible, wonderful man.  
  
“Don’t worry! I listened to it during the breaks! But that’s not why I'm calling…How are you feeling? Are you sure you still wanna do this?”  
  
“Yeah, it's alright. I just- the longer we stall, the more ridiculous it gets. And I should get this over with while I’m still here.“  
  
A loaded silence set in, as if Fabrizio would like to disagree, would be able to tell his boyfriend wasn't comfortable, would like to tell Ermal that it's okay to wait until Fabrizio too was in Bari so he didn’t have to do it alone. But the memories of their last argument were still playing in his head. The promise he made to Ermal. He didn't have the right to meddle into how Ermal's gonna tell his family. Not anymore.  
  
“Fabrizio, you're up next in 5 minutes.” a voice called in the background to which the Roman mumbled a barely audible ‘okay thanks’.  
  
“Ermal-”  
“Fabri-”   
They both stopped at the same time and chuckled and when it seemed that Ermal was staying silent for the moment, Fabrizio tried once more.   
“Hey, just keep calm and breath. No matter what happens, you won’t be alone. You hear me, Ermal? You will not be alone.”  
  
Luckily, Ermal had reached the entrance of the building at this point, because he felt like he was suffocating. Once outside, he took a deep breath. Yes, good, fresh air is good for the nerves.  
  
“Yeah, I know, you’re right, Fabri.” He sounded more like he’s trying to convince himself than anything else.  
  
“Listen, I really have to go now. Please call me afterwards and tell me how it went.”  
  
“Will do. Have fun on stage.”  
“I’ll try...Ti amo.”  
  
“Anch'io ti amo, Bizio.” Soft whispers were exchanged before they hung up and Ermal still held onto the phone on his ear as if he was still clinging to the connection to Fabrizio. Deep in thoughts, he didn’t notice the car pulling up to him until it honked, making Ermal jump.   
“Really, you _just_ came out of an interview and they are already calling you, huh? Do you ever catch a break, bro?” Sabina teased through the open window.  
  
“What can I say? They just can’t get enough of me.” Ermal played along but secretly thanked God that his sister didn’t catch who he was actually talking to on the phone.  
  
“Wish I could say fame changed you but nope, you’ve always been a smart ass. Now get in the car, Mamma made dinner already.”  
  
God, he has missed his sister.  
  
Ermal obediently climbed into the vehicle and the pair made their way to their childhood home. They spent the ride with small talk, how the interview was (the usual), if Rinald had arrived yet (yes, he had), how Sabina’s husband and kid were doing (good, they’re at his parents’ for the day) until their mother’s house came into sight and Ermal was once more reminded what he planned to do tonight. He swallowed.  
  
They opened their door and spotted their mother who was passing by clearly in hurry  
“Oh Ermal darling, you're finally here! Quick, wash your hands and come eat. The table is almost set.”  
  
No sooner said than done: Ermal entered the dining room and was met by a table full of homemade dishes. Being back home does have its perks. Rinald was sitting there already and looked up to him.  
“Hey bro, about time that you show up!” his younger brother grinned.  
  
The dinner began and Ermal truly let himself enjoy all the good food that brought him back to his childhood. They are in silence and once the were finished and the dishes were put into the dishwasher, Rinald suggested to open up a bottle of wine. And so reunited the Meta Family moved to the living room and enjoyed an evening sipping the fine red liquid while discussing everything and nothing, having a laugh and talking about the latest events happening in their individual lives.  
  
Soon their conversation shifted to the topic of Ermal's tour. Ermal noted how fantastic it had been, nevertheless how tiresome as well but thankfully he hadn't had any concerts for the past week.  
Rinald raised his eyebrow puzzled at that note.  
  
“Wait, so you've been home since last week?”  
  
Ah. Yes. Usually he'd spent some time with his brother after a tour, but for that he'd have to still live in Milan.  
Ermal swallowed the sip of wine in his mouth and carefully placed the glass on the coffee table. So this is it. This is how it's gonna go down, huh.  
  
He suddenly found the rim of his glass terribly interesting when he answered his brother.  
  
“Well, you see, I might have- I might have moved out of Milan.”  
  
“You- wait, when? _Where to?_ Man, why didn't you say anything, I could have helped you move!”  
  
 _'No need, the Mobrici siblings were help enough.’_  
  
“A few weeks ago actually. Before the tour started. It's alright, really Rinald, I managed just fine.”  
  
“Okay, and where did you move now?” Sabina got curious now and decided to get involved in this bizarre conversation.  
  
“To- to Rome.”  
  
“To Rome? What, are you under a new management? New studio?” His sister inquired.  
  
“No, no. It's- it's not work related.”  
  
“Ermal, dear, what is the matter? You're not telling us the whole truth here. What's the real reason you moved to Rome?” His mother gently reached out to caress her oldest son’s arm in a way to encourage him but Ermal wasn’t sure if that really helped his nerves at all.   
In the end he got up from his chair and paced around the living room before he took a deep breath.  
  
“So I might have, I might have met someone. Someone I- I really, I mean _really_ like. And this person is from Rome and that's why I decided to move there too. To be closer to h- to this person.” Nice save there, Meta.  
  
He couldn’t bring himself to look at them while he explained his reasons but his gaze was finally drawn to the trio on the coach when he hear a sigh from his mother.  
  
“Good heavens, son, why are you scaring your poor mother like this? And I already thought you're involved in some dubious business.”  
  
“What? No! Jesus Christ, Mamma!”  
  
“Hold on, you don't just moved half across the country for a fling which means you must have been dating for a while now.” Sabina’s always been a perceptive one.  
  
“Yeah, how long has this been going on?” Rinald chimed in.  
“Ugh okay, I didn't want to rush things, alright. I- I didn’t want to tell anyone until I was sure that it’s serious. And now, we've been dating for almost a year.”  
  
“ALMOST A- _Ermal!_ ” His mother raised her hands in disbelief, clearly unhappy with how late she received such important news.  
  
“Oh my god I can't believe you've kept this from us!”  
  
“Ahh, that’s why you’ve been so cheerful these past months, right?” Sabina said smugly as if she’d cracked the Da Vinci Code.   
“I’ve been more cheerful?”  
“Maybe not ‘cheerful’ per se, but you’re always grinning at that phone of yours. And you’ve generally been in a better mood.”  
  
His mother nodded along. “Yes I've noticed that too. You've been smiling a lot at your phone, that’s true. Well, then when can I finally meet this mysterious lady that made my boy so happy?”  
  
Rinald immediately caught that enthusiasm as well.  
“Yeah, I wanna meet her too! What's her name? What does she look like? How old is she?”

“Where does she work? How did you even meet?”  
So many question at once. _Too many_ questions at once. And none of the answers were what his family expected. Nevertheless, for the last inquiry he had a solid answer, he’d start with that.  
  
“At Sanremo. Well, we already met briefly in 2017 but then really actually got to know each other in 2018.” The curly haired man said as steadily as possible while leaning on the window board. You could see quite a lot of stars on the inky sky tonight, he wondered if you could see as many in Rome right now.  
  
“Sanremo 2017 and 2018? Who's your lady friend? Fabrizio Moro?” Rinald laughed, knowing damn well about the rumours but ironically not enough about the truth.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“What do you mean?” His younger brother asked but he could hear the smile in his voice.  
  
“I mean that, yes, it's Fabrizio. I- I am dating Fabrizio.”  
  
And suddenly nobody spoke anymore for a while. Was it ten seconds or two minutes or five? Ermal couldn’t tell. He only heard his own pulse beating in his ears until he heard Rinald clearing his throat.   
“Sorry, Erm, but I'm not getting the joke right now.”  
“There's no joke, ugh!” Ermal turned around at last and ran a frustrated hand over his face.   
“The person I have been dating, the person for whom I have moved to Rome to, the person I fell in love with is Fabrizio Moro. Fabrizio is my- he's my boyfriend.” With those words coming out of his mouth a strange new feeling washed over Ermal. Never in his life did he imagine standing in front of his family and actually saying those words but here he was.   
Three people regarded him with jaws on the floor and big eyes and Ermal might have felt the urge to vomit under their gaze.  
  
“OH FUCK, you're serious! You're actually serious!” Sabina jumped up and ran quickly to the kitchen bringing back her pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She handed one cigarette to Rinald who eagerly accepted it.  
  
“Is- is this all you guys got to say?” Ermal wondered.  
“If you're gay, does that mean the whole thing with Silvia was just a scam then?”  
Ermal regretted having asked instantly.  
  
“Shit, Rinald, sometimes I really wonder how often you've been dropped on the head as a baby!” He massaged his temples because he needed some time to process that he has seriously been asked this. Unbelievable. ”I have never lied to Silvia! What she and I had was real and genuine and it might have ended, but denying that I loved her once is just insulting. Also, I'm not gay anyway.”  
  
“How are not gay, aren’t you literally dating a guy?!”  
  
“So I am! Do you think I just turned off some switch and suddenly stopped liking women?!”  
“Okay, calm down, no switches were turned off. But when was this one particular men-loving switch turned on though? Never seen you ogle a guy before, Erm.” His sister tried to cool the situation down a bit.  
  
“I'm not sure. It's hard to tell. When Fabrizio and I got closer, it just made sense. It felt natural. I simply fell in love with _him._ With the person, with the soul. And with the emotional attraction came the physical one. Fabrizio being male was a mere coincidence. I feel like I would have fallen for him no matter what gender. Who knows, maybe I would have realised something earlier in my life if I'd allow myself to. God knows I needed long enough to come to terms with my feelings for Bizio, but in the end I couldn’t suppress them. He keeps saying it's never too late to embrace one's bisexuality, but that not labeling yourself is also okay. I’m still trying to work through that but I guess, for the moment, you could call me bisexual.”  
It was out. All of it. All that has tortured him and confused him for months and months was out on the open now. However, reality didn’t match Ermal’s expectations. There was no shouting, no insults. All there was were his siblings taking a drag on their cigarettes and their mother silently observing him.  
  
“Wow, I can't believe Moro is into men. He always stroke me as such a straight guy.”  
  
“That’s only your way of saying you had the hots for him, Sabina, and you are disappointed that this fantasy is out of question now.” Rinald giggled.  
  
“Shut up, not true!” She pushed her brother.  
“So true!”  
  
“Excuse me, but are you two serious?! That’s all you have to say?”  
  
“What do you want us to say? _‘Ermal, we hate you please never talk to us again’?_ That better?”  
  
“Sabina, please..”  
  
“Okay, granted, I didn’t see that coming, this is a surprise after all. But were you seriously expecting me to abandon you because of that? Ermal, you are my big brother, I love you and whoever you are dating won’t change that.” She looked him straight into the eyes as she spoke these definite words, leaving no room for any doubt of her conviction. He reckoned that this might have been the most meaningful thing his sister has ever told him.  
  
His eyes wandered to his brother, silently seeking his thoughts on that matter.  
  
“I mean, like Sabi said, you’re still my brother. I’m afraid you won’t get rid of me that easily. But can you guys maybe not make out right in front of me though?”  
  
“Oh yes, now we definitely will and you better get used to it!”  
  
...It was a learning curve.  
  
  
Nevertheless, he felt fundamentally relieved. His siblings were gonna be alright. They took it well. Ermal almost couldn’t believe it. Until the fourth person in the room finally spoke up.  
  
“Sabina, Rinald, can you two leave me and your brother alone for a bit please?”  
The two younger Meta siblings looked at the each other confused if not a bit worried, but wordlessly got up and left the room.  
Now here there were. Mother and son. Alone.  
  
“A year, Ermal? An entire year?”  
  
“I couldn’t tell you, alright! I simply couldn’t! The thought alone sent me into a panic attack. I just needed the time… and a little push in the end.”  
  
His mother has never displayed any homophobic behaviour, never said a bad word about same sex couples, but he could tell that having an LGBT person in her own family was yet another thing entirely. Something she has never considered before.  
  
“I have to say, I’m not sure what that means now. I don’t think we’ve had any ...anyone like that in the family before.”  
  
“Anyone you’d know of, Mamma! Not everyone goes around parading t, especially not when they know they’d be the only one. But that doesn’t mean it's not there.”  
  
“So, what am I supposed to do now? What changes now, Ermal?“  
  
“Nothing! I don’t want anything to change, Mamma, I just- I just want you to treat me like you always have. God, this is- “ This was getting nowhere, this has been a mistake, why did he say anything? That’s exactly what he feared, that she wouldn’t understand and now that it’s happening it overwhelmed him. He needed to get out, out, out. Like a caged animal, he desperately tried to escape the room, but a hand gripped his arm firmly.   
“No, no, no, Ermal. Come here, stay.”  
She pulled him next to her on the coach and the moment he felt his mother by his side, he broke apart. He let it go, all the anxiety, all the worries, all the stress transformed into bitter tears and painful sobs. And even now, even in his misery he clung to her despite the uncertainty if she’d accept him entirely, but in the end the most comforting thing in the world was a mother’s embrace.  
  
“Shhh, shhh, speak to me, baby. What is on your mind?” Her hands found their way to the back of his head and gently caressed him. He let go of his mother and put a bit of distance between them, but still close enough for her to wipe his tears away. He closed his eyes and attempted to find a calming energy in that touch. He forced himself to find it, because otherwise he couldn’t go on. Once he felt ready, he tenderly took her hands from his face and held the in his lap. Their eyes met and he spoke.  
  
“I don’t want you to look at me like I’m Ermal, Your Gay Kid. I don’t want to be branded like this, like it’s the only thing about me. I just want to be your son Ermal, who makes music, who is allergic to cats, who can’t cook, who happens to date a man. B-But I don’t want this to be a taboo topic either. I don’t want you to be too awkward to ever speak about Fabrizio, to pretend this relationship isn’t a vital part of my life now.”  
He knew his mother had a hard time seeing him like this, he knew she was heartbroken about him, but it was crucial for her to understand where he was coming from.  
“I’ve never had to think twice about bringing up my relationship with Silvia, and I don’t want it to be any other way with Fabrizio.”  
  
“Then it won’t be. I promise. You have to be patient with your old mother, I might make some mistakes, but I’ll try to be good. I wish to never see you as sad as now, I never want you to be afraid of telling us about something that makes you so happy. You might be a grown man now, but you’ll always be my baby, Ermal, I will always love you, do not ever doubt that.” Her eyes watered and she once more hugged her oldest boy tightly and for the first time in a very long time, true tranquility and peace came over Ermal. They stayed like this for a while until they heard the sound of something vibrating. Ermal fished his phone out of his pocket and he held his breath when he saw who was trying to contact him. Before he could react however, his mom snatched the phone out of his hand and Ermal had to watch in horror how she answered the call.  
  
“Erm? How are you? How did it go!? I just came back from the stage and I saw you still haven’t sent a message or anything. Are you alright? Should I come to Bari? I’ll take the next plane. Please say something, you’re scaring me, amore.”  
  
“Good evening, Fabrizio.”  
  
Even with his phone pressed to his mother’s ear, Ermal could still make out the sounds of something ~~or rather someone~~ crashing in the background. Oh poor Fabri.  
  
“G-Good evening, ma’am.” A now more serious tone answered her. More serious and yet uncertain what exactly transpired on the other end of the country and what to expect now.  
  
“You sounded quite worried about my son.”  
  
“I guess so. You usually worry about the people you care about.”  
  
“And you care a great deal about him, don’t you, Fabrizio?”  
  
“I really do, yeah. I- I really love your son, ma’am, yes.” The Roman whispered almost shyly and Mira couldn’t help but believe him. Every word. Mira had never thought badly about homosexuality. Her policy has always been that everybody should do what they want in their life. Now however, she was involved in this issue in a new unprecedented manner and this was the first time she truly saw the beauty in it. How can it not be beautiful when this man so tenderly yet earnestly declared his love for her son? A love that cares and worries for each other, a love that only has the best interest for him in mind, a love that brings out the best in Ermal and is this not what she has always wanted for her children? Is this not what every parent should want for their children?  
  
“Can I- Can I speak to Ermal?”  
  
“Of course, I’ll give him to you in a second. Oh and Fabrizio?  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“I think you should come to Bari. Not right away perhaps, but when you have more free time. When the both of you have more free time. Stay for a few days. Also, you’d need to tell me what your favourite dishes are, ever since this neglectful son of mine hasn’t done that so himself by now so _I_ have to ask his boyfriend instead.”  
  
“Mamma!” Ermal huffed in disbelief before groaning embarrassed. Thankfully, her playful tone didn’t go unnoticed by the party on the other end of the line so she heard Fabrizio bursting out laughing.  
  
“I will, I promise I will, ma’am.”  
  
“Mira. Call me Mira.”  
There was a beat where Fabrizio truly realised the depth of this offer and what it would mean for the future. She couldn’t see it but she could tell he smiled.   
“Sure, Mira.”  
  
“OKAY, great, can I have my phone back now, Mamma? Thanks, good night, bye!” Ermal decided it had been enough small talk between these two and frankly, after such an exhausting evening all he longed for were the comforting words of his boyfriend. He reconquered the mobile phone once more and quickly made his way towards his old childhood bedroom.  
  
  
Mira watched him go. All she has ever done was to give her children a better tomorrow, an easier life, carefree days. But as unpredictable as life was, she hadn’t been able to shield them from everything, not for new challenges, not from new worries. The hardest part of parenthood is to admit to yourself that you really cannot protect your child from absolutely everything in this unfair world.  
  
  
But it’s comforting to know that they find someone who loves them so much that they’ll help along.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So here was a little angst-ridden one-shot i felt like writing! Yeah the guys are kind of idiots, but they mean it well, in their own confusing ways!
> 
> ANYWAY, leave a comment, a thought, whatever else you have ! <3


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